Well a lot of things have happened lately. Brittani and Jon are going out (not that I doubted that would happen). It is very much different from last year. They like each other more and now more intimate. I can tell Brit and My friendship will be much different now that she is going out with the guy she really likes.                                                    °Well, Zappy is weening off his jackassy personality right now. We (Kyle and I) had to pull him away at Chamionships for another time and talk to him. Yeah, he was really starting to piss me off. If it doesn't change within a couple of weeks, I'm done. Why should I waste my time with a friendship where I get treated like shit? I was about to give up, let me tell ya. Teenage drama...what fun.                 °Katelyn told me how she was getting jealous of how often I was talking to Kyle. I couldn't tell her that she shouldn't be jealous since Kyle is the one LOYAL in the relationship. It's just what I think sometimes and I have to keep it inside of me. Maybe one day I'll tell Kyle how I feel or something. Yes, I will admit that some part of me likes Kyle but that is DEEP down inside and will never fully overcome me. He is just one of my best friends and I wish I could tell him what I felt. I just can't bring myself to tell him because I might lose his friendship and that is FAR from what I want. It's just so confusing...                                                                                                °Mainland Marching Band Chamionships were Saturday (11-13) and we got 4th place . We lost Best Guard by 7 tenths of a point and lost Best Percussion by 1 tenth of a point! It sucks! Well I have 3 more years to look foward too but I dunno how all the Seniors felt? I guess they were disappointed. I wish I could have preformed         ° OOOO! Brittani and I are supposed to see THE GRUDGE on Wednesday. It has Sarah Michelle Gellar in it! WOOT! Anyway, it supposed to be one of the scariet movies of the years and I suck with scary movies... I'll try my hardest though! But...there is one problem! Her g ma is upset that the movie is at 5:15 on a schoolnight. That is seriosuly a bunch of bullshit and I guess I can't hang with Brit anymore. Maybe I'll fake me getting locked out tomorrow after school just to go over her house? Eh, I dunno. Well, I don't feel good and I just made tea for myself.

Bye to whomever reads this

Well today was just PEACHY! Ha, yeah right. I wish I could say that about today. I'm so fucking behind on my homework right now, it's rediculous. Hopefully I'll get it ALL caught up on Thursday (when we have off)! Woo. Yay for Veterans.

Anyway, I just got done reading Brittani's xanga, again. Yes, she vented over Louise's once again. You could call me jealous, yeah. Maybe I am, but who could blame me? I mean its like favorites and it is starting to seem that way to me, even though Brit says it totally different reason. I guess I'll never know the truth. Not something that hasn't come up before, it has been in the back of my brain for a while and been keeping it to myself. I do that a WHOLE hell of a lot. If people really knew how I was feeling sometimes, yeah, it wouldn't be a good thing.

     Anyway...ummm well my assumptions were confirmed tonight. Tim Harmey does like me. I really don't know what to do right now, I just don't see him as a boyfriend. He is a great person and great friend but thats really all I see him as. God, I feel so guilty right now about what might happen. Nothing GOOD can come of this. What am I talking about, nothing EVER happens good for me. (that would help if I had made ANY sense).  † (means new subject)..Color Guard was FREAKING COLD! Holy shit, it was litterally freezing outside, maybe 30 degrees or so. It was boring without Ms. Brittani there. Of course she couldn't go because of her g ma and a big deal about a detention. Oh well..It was so halarious, Ellen Crooks broke one of the rainsticks. She threw it on the ground (dropped without setting it down). It snapped the end of it off, it was quite humorous. Ummm, thats basically it about my day. It sucked, boring.

Well, not oo much happened today. The day has ended with a headache though, don't ask why.

I just got finished reading Brittani's xanga and it made me cry. Everything she put about me just truely melted my heart when I read it. She is truely one of my best friends and if I could do anything to make her life any better I would. Everything seems to be going alright with her right now (besides the g ma situation), but it's nomrla. She might become section leader next year which is fucking awesome! Dude, I would love to see that. But then she would like me in charge of me  Lmao. Hopefully my wrist is better by then and it BETTER be. I'd kick its ass. I wish I could be section leader but I didn't stay the whole season which sucks major ass.

There is so much to say but people might be reading this (doubting) so I'll probably write in my real life journal. Yes, amazing life I have.

Wow, so much has gone on lately. This past week has sucked major monkey ass as well as my life. God, where do I begin?

Well, my mom almost died in September because of she had another stroke. She had 2 crainionomies and her plate had a very bad infection on it. As of this moment, she is doing ok, her memory sucks, but recovering. Yep, she missed everything (graduation, dinner dance, all of my color guard compeititions). I just now thought of how she won't have the joy in seeing the routine. I miss her so much!Anyway..yeah thats basically the summary of her health.

Well, I've been talking to Kyle Pesce lately. We've been talking and bonding a lot more as friends. Yes, he has a girlftiend (Katelyn West) which is cool. Just that, on Friday, Kyle found out that Katelyn had cheated on him. God, I will never foget his face. He was in tears and of course I was there for a shoulder to cry on. Now, I just can't find myself on finding sympathy for Katelyn when I saw her crying. Yes, it was a mistake but a very big one. The only thing that bothers me is yesterday, at Chiadi's party, they acted like nothing had happened. I know Kyle wants to forget about it, but acting like it never happened? He was a great guy and let Katelyn have another chance and I am one to back him up on anything he does, therefore I have to forget what I think.

Totally different subject, I am feeling like I am no one once again. Since Brittani is going out with Monzo again and Zappy and Ellen are getting close, I am left out. No one will remember me when they're wrapped up in their love life. Of course, maybe I'll understand if I ever get a boyfriend (which I doubt). I am really starting to think ti is me. I know people say "Oh you're a great person" blah blah blah..I bet they say it so they make me feel better. It's starting to get old and I hate feeling this way.

Anyway...not that anyone's cares.

"Men are like Parking Spots : All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped" - Quote to live by